L.I.B.E.R.A.T.I.O.N
8 Inches GONE my friends!!!
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Pending Baldness
I. Have. Cancer.
What Happens the 1st Week of Diagnosis
Monday - January 20 - Martin Luther King Jr. Day - I have cancer:
There are no words to properly use to possibly describe what it sounds like or feels like when you hear this one sentence -
I'm sorry. What? I have cancer in my breast? You mean, I have breast cancer? Are you sure? Did you check ten times over to make SURE? That moment hit me like a ton of bricks. How I handled this news is the one thing I want to keep to myself throughout this process. To describe it would give it no justice. There are literally NO words.
Tuesday - January 21 - First Oncology Appointment - Dr. Hodson:
The little asshole (tumor) has a name
Invasive Ductal Carcinoma
Stage 2
HER2 Neu positive. http://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/TypesofTumors.html More Info.
Invasive Ductal = Cancer started in my milk duct and broke through the duct wall and became a tumor.
Stage 2 = My tumor is larger than 2cm but smaller than 5cm. If they find cancer in my lymph nodes, my stage will move up. Praying that this doesn't happen.
HER2 positive = HER2-positive breast cancers tend to grow faster and are more likely to spread and come back compared to HER2-negative breast cancers. Along with my chemo I will be given an infusion of Herceptin which slows or stops the growth of breast cancer that overexpressed the HER2 protein.
This was the day information started to flood in so fast, so deep that my brain went numb. I sat there in the doctor's exam room with Scott, my mom Gaylene and my (step) dad Gregg. My amazing mother ready to go with a large notepad, writing notes like a mad woman (my doctor apparently won a prize for speed talking), my dad sitting there with huge worry & concern all over his face and my poor Scott... That man loves me like nobody's business. Scott has a ton of medical knowledge due to lots of schooling and entering into the nursing program soon. He understood the terms and HUGE words that were way beyond me. Its a good and not so good thing. We all sat there and absorbed what we could. This is what I got from my 1st appointment: I have a very common cancer / I have the worst kind of the common cancer / They are going very aggressive with my treatment because of my age (30) / I have to do chemo, without it I have a 30% chance it won't come back & with chemo its a 90% chance - no brainer / I need to wrap my head around losing my hair + possibly both breasts and ovaries / I will endure chemo + surgery + radiation + hormone therapy + reconstructive surgery all within a year and some change. However, all of this - ALL OF IT, is worth my life.
Wednesday - January 22 - Genetics Counseling & MRI:
They are doing a TON of research and tests with the fact that we all inherit the cancer gene and its more prevalent in people such as myself. There is cancer history on my paternal side. My biological father passed away when he was 41 from Small Cell Lung Cancer. He had a really bad cough and thought it was bronchitis (he was a heavy smoker). He had seen a doctor and found out it was in fact lung cancer, the most aggressive kind. They had put him through chemo and three months after diagnosis, he was gone. His sister (my Aunt) had been diagnosed with breast cancer when she was young and is still alive today. My dad's aunt (my great Aunt) was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was older and survived. My dad's mom (my Grandma) passed away from several issues however the doctors said the tumors in her stomach were so large they could feel them from the outside. So needless to say, cancer is very rampant on my biological father's side.
I learned a lot from my genetics counseling meeting and will soon do the small panel of 6 genes (BRCA1, BRCA2, p53, PTEN, STK11 and CDH1) to see what comes out positive. If the BRCA1 gene is positive, I have an 85% chance of having the cancer come back. Which means my bilateral mastectomy decision will be an easier one to make... and I will have my ovaries removed. http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/BRCA - More Info.
That night I was called in for my MRI and my mom met me at the hospital (love her!) She sat and read through my wonderful collection of cancer magazines while I spent 45 minutes getting in and out of the infamous tube thingy. I had never had an MRI done in my life, until now. Shit, I have never been "sick" or needed the hospital until now.
Thursday - January 23 - Echo Ultrasound + Chemo Class:
The Echo Ultrasound was an ultrasound of my heart. Mostly the left chamber. Apparently Herceptin (the extra infusion I am going to have due to my HER2 positive diagnosis) causes heart failure ... along with a shit ton of other side effects I have to endure. Oh yay! I don't know what's worse - The cancer or the side effects of treating the cancer.
Right after, I went on over to Chemo Class and met Scott and my mom (who had a pad of paper and pen ready to go to jot down everything that will go over my head once again). Its amazing what happens when you are overloaded with information - My brain just shuts off, I zone out and I start thinking about my kids, Scott, my life, everything I have ever wanted to accomplish or experience. It's overwhelming. So, chemo class was "helpful"... if you'd like to freak yourself out over the nice long list of side effects.
Anemia / Loss of appetite / Loss of Hair EVERYWHERE (now I can totally embrace not shaving my downstairs, legs or armpits for the next 4+ months) / Constipation / Diarrhea / Fatigue / Headaches / Infection / Swelling / Bloating / Pain / Nerve changes in hands and feet / Mouth Sores / And more that I don't even want to think about ... UGH.
Friday - January 24 - Peace:
Enjoy the next 6 days doctor visit free, with my family and friends - before the storm hits!
UPDATE: Results from my MRI came back on 1/27 showing NO signs of the cancer invading my chest wall. Also, no signs of tumors elsewhere. However, there is 1 lymph node on my left side/armpit that they are still worried about. I will have a Sentinel Biopsy done to have that lymph node tested, prior to chemo.
Monday - January 20 - Martin Luther King Jr. Day - I have cancer:
There are no words to properly use to possibly describe what it sounds like or feels like when you hear this one sentence -
"the biopsy from your breast
shows cancer cells"
I'm sorry. What? I have cancer in my breast? You mean, I have breast cancer? Are you sure? Did you check ten times over to make SURE? That moment hit me like a ton of bricks. How I handled this news is the one thing I want to keep to myself throughout this process. To describe it would give it no justice. There are literally NO words.
Tuesday - January 21 - First Oncology Appointment - Dr. Hodson:
The little asshole (tumor) has a name
Invasive Ductal Carcinoma
Stage 2
HER2 Neu positive. http://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/TypesofTumors.html More Info.
Invasive Ductal = Cancer started in my milk duct and broke through the duct wall and became a tumor.
Stage 2 = My tumor is larger than 2cm but smaller than 5cm. If they find cancer in my lymph nodes, my stage will move up. Praying that this doesn't happen.
HER2 positive = HER2-positive breast cancers tend to grow faster and are more likely to spread and come back compared to HER2-negative breast cancers. Along with my chemo I will be given an infusion of Herceptin which slows or stops the growth of breast cancer that overexpressed the HER2 protein.
This was the day information started to flood in so fast, so deep that my brain went numb. I sat there in the doctor's exam room with Scott, my mom Gaylene and my (step) dad Gregg. My amazing mother ready to go with a large notepad, writing notes like a mad woman (my doctor apparently won a prize for speed talking), my dad sitting there with huge worry & concern all over his face and my poor Scott... That man loves me like nobody's business. Scott has a ton of medical knowledge due to lots of schooling and entering into the nursing program soon. He understood the terms and HUGE words that were way beyond me. Its a good and not so good thing. We all sat there and absorbed what we could. This is what I got from my 1st appointment: I have a very common cancer / I have the worst kind of the common cancer / They are going very aggressive with my treatment because of my age (30) / I have to do chemo, without it I have a 30% chance it won't come back & with chemo its a 90% chance - no brainer / I need to wrap my head around losing my hair + possibly both breasts and ovaries / I will endure chemo + surgery + radiation + hormone therapy + reconstructive surgery all within a year and some change. However, all of this - ALL OF IT, is worth my life.
Wednesday - January 22 - Genetics Counseling & MRI:
They are doing a TON of research and tests with the fact that we all inherit the cancer gene and its more prevalent in people such as myself. There is cancer history on my paternal side. My biological father passed away when he was 41 from Small Cell Lung Cancer. He had a really bad cough and thought it was bronchitis (he was a heavy smoker). He had seen a doctor and found out it was in fact lung cancer, the most aggressive kind. They had put him through chemo and three months after diagnosis, he was gone. His sister (my Aunt) had been diagnosed with breast cancer when she was young and is still alive today. My dad's aunt (my great Aunt) was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was older and survived. My dad's mom (my Grandma) passed away from several issues however the doctors said the tumors in her stomach were so large they could feel them from the outside. So needless to say, cancer is very rampant on my biological father's side.
I learned a lot from my genetics counseling meeting and will soon do the small panel of 6 genes (BRCA1, BRCA2, p53, PTEN, STK11 and CDH1) to see what comes out positive. If the BRCA1 gene is positive, I have an 85% chance of having the cancer come back. Which means my bilateral mastectomy decision will be an easier one to make... and I will have my ovaries removed. http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/BRCA - More Info.
That night I was called in for my MRI and my mom met me at the hospital (love her!) She sat and read through my wonderful collection of cancer magazines while I spent 45 minutes getting in and out of the infamous tube thingy. I had never had an MRI done in my life, until now. Shit, I have never been "sick" or needed the hospital until now.
Thursday - January 23 - Echo Ultrasound + Chemo Class:
The Echo Ultrasound was an ultrasound of my heart. Mostly the left chamber. Apparently Herceptin (the extra infusion I am going to have due to my HER2 positive diagnosis) causes heart failure ... along with a shit ton of other side effects I have to endure. Oh yay! I don't know what's worse - The cancer or the side effects of treating the cancer.
Right after, I went on over to Chemo Class and met Scott and my mom (who had a pad of paper and pen ready to go to jot down everything that will go over my head once again). Its amazing what happens when you are overloaded with information - My brain just shuts off, I zone out and I start thinking about my kids, Scott, my life, everything I have ever wanted to accomplish or experience. It's overwhelming. So, chemo class was "helpful"... if you'd like to freak yourself out over the nice long list of side effects.
Anemia / Loss of appetite / Loss of Hair EVERYWHERE (now I can totally embrace not shaving my downstairs, legs or armpits for the next 4+ months) / Constipation / Diarrhea / Fatigue / Headaches / Infection / Swelling / Bloating / Pain / Nerve changes in hands and feet / Mouth Sores / And more that I don't even want to think about ... UGH.
Friday - January 24 - Peace:
Enjoy the next 6 days doctor visit free, with my family and friends - before the storm hits!
UPDATE: Results from my MRI came back on 1/27 showing NO signs of the cancer invading my chest wall. Also, no signs of tumors elsewhere. However, there is 1 lymph node on my left side/armpit that they are still worried about. I will have a Sentinel Biopsy done to have that lymph node tested, prior to chemo.
Uninvited Guest In My Breast
Found A Lump - 1st Week of December 2013
About 2 months ago I had been adjusting my boobs while laying on my side. I felt a hard lump and I sat up quickly and started to give myself a breast exam. The lump was the size of a large grape - It felt hard, it moved around a little and there was ZERO pain. I started to heavily research and go google crazy. After reading "signs and symptoms" I thought there is no way this is a tumor. I should have a rash, this website says - I should have nipple discharge, says another website - and pain? There is no pain so I am good to go! It must be a cyst. Cysts were common with the women in my family, so I went about my business for almost 1 MONTH and thought nothing of the lump.
During a family Sunday dinner, I mentioned the lump to my mom and sister Alicia. My sister had a little scare the year prior when she found a lump and went through a core needle biopsy. The biopsy came back clear and the lump was just a cyst. I wanted her to feel mine so that she could compare to what had happened to her. I let them both feel the lump on the left side of my left breast and they both looked at me with wide eyes and worry. My lump was not the same as my sisters. I made a doctor appointment the next day and waited 1 MORE MONTH to see the doctor about a "cyst". During this time, the lump had almost seemed to grow larger. I didn't know if this was all in my head, or if it truly was growing.
On January 7, 2014 I met with a doctor at the local clinic. I had just started a new job in late November and did not have Health Insurance coverage going into effect until February. The doctor confirmed that there was in fact a lump. What a REVELATION this was! Please, tell me something I didn't know. He wanted to then do a needle biopsy to remove fluid and my immediate response was "absolutely NOT!" Mentally I could not wrap my head around a needle going into my breast, then bee bop to work after. OUCH! So I then was set up with an appointment at the St. Al's Breast Center in 10 DAYS.
Little did I know that on January 17th - 1 day after my oldest son's 7th birthday - would start a roller coaster ride of doctor visits, being poked and probed, smashed and squished. I sat there in the waiting room with Scott (my ex husband soon to be husband again - And that's another story in itself!) until I was called in for the breast exam. The nurse felt around with concern on her face and I was then taken to get my very 1st MAMMOGRAM. My amazing nurse Josie said with a comforting smile "You are now apart of the mammogram club!" Oh yay! Just what I have always wanted. One thing's for certain, everyone working at this "breast club" has the best attitude! They are all kind and funny and have sincere words with witty jokes to make you as comfortable as possible.
After the mammogram I was taken in for an ULTRASOUND. I was able to lay there and watch while the radiology tech scanned over my breast and snapped a hundred photos of the glorious egg - looking - thingy. Again, no symptoms, no tenderness, no pain, no rashes, no discharge. Nothing. The radiologist grabbed the doctor and I was about to experience the worst pain I have felt (to date that is).
DISCLAIMER of my Pain Tolerance Level - I have had two children, both were over 25 hours of labor. My 2nd child I had labored at home for over ten hours before heading to the hospital. I have had multiple tattoos in places that are "suppose to be the worst" spots - and still, none of that compared to the next test...
The doctor was able to squeeze me in for a CORE NEEDLE BIOPSY right away. She scanned over my little friend and then stopped at my armpit. She then found 2 larger than normal lymph nodes which is not good news. I was then prepped and ready to go for extraction. I had to lay there with my arm over my head for almost 45 minutes. The first part wasn't so bad. She numbed the crap out of the side of my breast and inserted this hollow needle with a spring loaded needle inside of it. I was able to watch on the ultrasound as she poked through the mass and POP, the spring loaded needle shot out and grabbed a sliver then retracted. She had taken 3 slivers from the mass and next were my lymph nodes. Now this. The doctor had to go through my armpit to get to the "hot" lymph nodes and it wasn't pretty. She numbed me up and started to make the incision with the scalpel - I FELT THAT!!!!!! She continued to numb me even more, but to no avail. It was finally said to me that I would have to just get through that part the old fashioned way, and so I did. The pain of the needle going in and retracting slivers was unlike anything I can compare to.
After the procedure I was taken to get yet another mammogram. At this point my thick, tall wall of kick ass mojo came crumbling down. I started to emotionally lose it. I knew something was wrong and then on top that I was now in pain. No one was talking to me about my little friend or gave any inkling as to how bad it was. ALL THIS FOR A CYST? I knew better.
I put my clothes back on and the pain started to kick in, in my left arm. The doctor had hit a nerve in my armpit and the ache and pain shooting through my arm and back was terrible. I chose not to go to work that day and instead spent it with Scott.
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