Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
Effects of Chemo
Chemo "awesomeness" #1,102
I thought I would make it through to the end without this lovely side effect! Nails dying off... Yup! As if the rest of the chemo symptoms weren't crappy enough. This one sucks. My fingertips are constantly sore & the redness you see is actually my skin pulling away from my nails. OUCH!!! I cant scratch anywhere when I have an itch & anything remotely putting pressure on my nails or tip of my fingers - hurts.
At this point... All I can do is laugh! And knock on wood when I get pissy & say "what else NOW" ...
Friday, April 18, 2014
Chemo Day - 4th Cycle
Friday - April 11th - Chemo Dose #4
This picture pretty much sums it up for me!! 4 down and only 2 left to go. I had a pretty easy day in the chair and enjoyed some unbelievable hospital food (no joke) and time spent with my mom! Scott took a break from work and surprised me with a visit as well! It was a good day.
Now, my appointment with my oncologist was the best part! I had a list of questions going in and she answered them all - I just love her! She has the toughest job, I personally feel, to deliver shitty news on a daily basis and see sick people get even sicker... no thank you. But every time I meet with her, I feel better! I always leave with a smile on my face and a more improved outlook on my future than I did walking in. So here's the scoop!
This picture pretty much sums it up for me!! 4 down and only 2 left to go. I had a pretty easy day in the chair and enjoyed some unbelievable hospital food (no joke) and time spent with my mom! Scott took a break from work and surprised me with a visit as well! It was a good day. Now, my appointment with my oncologist was the best part! I had a list of questions going in and she answered them all - I just love her! She has the toughest job, I personally feel, to deliver shitty news on a daily basis and see sick people get even sicker... no thank you. But every time I meet with her, I feel better! I always leave with a smile on my face and a more improved outlook on my future than I did walking in. So here's the scoop!
* She checked my tumor (left boob) and cannot feel it AT ALL! Hallelujah! Makes all of this chemo worth it - Let me tell ya!!!
* She LOWERED MY CHEMO BY 5-8% for the last 3 treatments. Due to my tumor responding so awesomely, she felt the need to lower my chemo to help with my symptoms such as mucositis & neuropathy which have been a pain every treatment.
* She LOWERED MY CHEMO BY 5-8% for the last 3 treatments. Due to my tumor responding so awesomely, she felt the need to lower my chemo to help with my symptoms such as mucositis & neuropathy which have been a pain every treatment.
* She agreed to NO RADIATION!!! Since my lymph nodes came back negative, there is no need to go through that.
* She feels that my choice to go ahead with a Bilateral Mastectomy is a good one. I am scheduled for a surgeon consult on June 30th. I can have my surgery 4-6 weeks after my last chemo so we are looking at Mid July.
* St. Al's is hiring a new surgeon in September for reconstructions. She hears that its a GREAT surgeon and is very excited! Projected reconstruction will be in Sept / Oct some time.
* I have an issue with going on Hormone Therapy (Tamoxifen) for the next 5 years. I let her know that it doesn't sit well with me and her response is that its a preventative measure and "icing on the cake" since this drug helps prevent reoccurrence. I can go on it and see how I feel, however if the symptoms interfere with my daily life I can stop it immediately. Deal!
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In other news! I am living my life like I normally would. The day after chemo I was out and about for my girlfriends 33rd birthday festivities! Grant it, I do not last as long staying out in the evenings but I do my best and that is thankfully enough. Not to mention Scott gets a built in DD now! I have been alcohol free since the day of diagnosis (3 months ago) and its amazing how good it feels. Oh man do I have a healthy hankering for a good Bloody Mary sometimes... but luckily Virgin Mary drinks taste exactly the same!
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Decision Central
Wednesday - April 9th - WWJD? Heck if I know, he never had boobs!
I am at that point where I do not want to make any more decisions about my health, my future and my body. I am frustrated and overwhelmed and want more than anything to go back to the way things were - When I was healthy. Little did I know, when I was "healthy," I had a little asshole of a tumor growing but at least I was unaware. Each time a prayer was said at the dinner table or in passing moments there was always a "... and thank you God for my health" somewhere in there. I can no longer say that. I have to thank God for catching a disease early enough so I can stay alive. Now, future praying will include a "please God do not have me go through this hell again..." Funny how that changes over night.
Lately, my mind has been consumed with bilateral mastectomy information and hormonal therapy choices. Do I want to remove both of my breasts and call it a day - Not necessarily. Do I want to go through radiation and hope to God that I don't suffer any long term side effects - No. Do I want to be on hormone therapy for 5 years, that comes with another laundry list of side effects? Heck no. Would all of these choices increase my chance of living a long and fulfilling life - Yes. So what would you do!?! Its overwhelming, I know.
I have my moments (and today is one of them) where I want my long blonde hair back. I want to have the annoying task of shaving my legs every week and sweating my butt off because I just had to spend 15 minutes blow drying & straightening my hair. The things I found annoyance in, will never be the same. After all of this is said and done I will be happy that my mascara is all over my eyelids because my eyelashes are too long and thick again. I will appreciate that my left eyebrow arches perfectly without any help and my right one chooses to grow stick straight. And I will down right embrace the crap out of my 80's rock n roll hair that my dad gave me! Life will truly never be the same for me - After I kick cancers ass.
I will tell you what I know now - today - and that is, I have chosen to do a Bilateral Mastectomy + Reconstructive surgery regardless of my BRCA gene findings. This decision was difficult to make and there are several factors as to why I have chosen this route. But in a nutshell for me, its a peace of mind. If I undergo a lumpectomy + radiation, yes I conserve my breast but at what cost? Radiation has some very unfavorable long term symptoms. With a complete bilateral mastectomy, I am removing the site at which a reoccurrence can happen. If a reoccurrence were to happen 5 years from now, I want to be able to look back to this moment and know that I did everything I could to prevent this from happening again - With that being said, I would only feel that way if I had a bilateral mastectomy. It will not be a pretty process or a cheap one but its the price I pay for my life and I am completely content with that!
I am at that point where I do not want to make any more decisions about my health, my future and my body. I am frustrated and overwhelmed and want more than anything to go back to the way things were - When I was healthy. Little did I know, when I was "healthy," I had a little asshole of a tumor growing but at least I was unaware. Each time a prayer was said at the dinner table or in passing moments there was always a "... and thank you God for my health" somewhere in there. I can no longer say that. I have to thank God for catching a disease early enough so I can stay alive. Now, future praying will include a "please God do not have me go through this hell again..." Funny how that changes over night. Lately, my mind has been consumed with bilateral mastectomy information and hormonal therapy choices. Do I want to remove both of my breasts and call it a day - Not necessarily. Do I want to go through radiation and hope to God that I don't suffer any long term side effects - No. Do I want to be on hormone therapy for 5 years, that comes with another laundry list of side effects? Heck no. Would all of these choices increase my chance of living a long and fulfilling life - Yes. So what would you do!?! Its overwhelming, I know.
I have my moments (and today is one of them) where I want my long blonde hair back. I want to have the annoying task of shaving my legs every week and sweating my butt off because I just had to spend 15 minutes blow drying & straightening my hair. The things I found annoyance in, will never be the same. After all of this is said and done I will be happy that my mascara is all over my eyelids because my eyelashes are too long and thick again. I will appreciate that my left eyebrow arches perfectly without any help and my right one chooses to grow stick straight. And I will down right embrace the crap out of my 80's rock n roll hair that my dad gave me! Life will truly never be the same for me - After I kick cancers ass.
I will tell you what I know now - today - and that is, I have chosen to do a Bilateral Mastectomy + Reconstructive surgery regardless of my BRCA gene findings. This decision was difficult to make and there are several factors as to why I have chosen this route. But in a nutshell for me, its a peace of mind. If I undergo a lumpectomy + radiation, yes I conserve my breast but at what cost? Radiation has some very unfavorable long term symptoms. With a complete bilateral mastectomy, I am removing the site at which a reoccurrence can happen. If a reoccurrence were to happen 5 years from now, I want to be able to look back to this moment and know that I did everything I could to prevent this from happening again - With that being said, I would only feel that way if I had a bilateral mastectomy. It will not be a pretty process or a cheap one but its the price I pay for my life and I am completely content with that!
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