Left Breast Mastectomy Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a big day and frankly, writing about it makes me want to cry.  Tomorrow, I have a Left Breast Mastectomy.  Now, I can sit here and write all about how much this sucks and how I hate cancer and go into very morbid detail about how I truly feel in regards to losing a body part.  But I’m not going to because honestly, I will not know how this will impact me emotionally or how traumatized I will genuinely be until the procedure is done and I go home and have to live with having only 1 breast until reconstruction in October. Right now I am doing a lot of pre-mourning the loss of this body part and this surgery is the epitome of bitter-sweet.  On one hand I will receive a pathology report after the surgery is completed showing (I pray to God) that I am cancer free, plus the peace of mind knowing that the “home” of which my little asshole tumor occupied, is now demo’d and under construction.  On the other hand – I lose a boob.

So until I am home, on pain meds, left side boobless with the new nickname “righty” and bandaged up with a disgusting drainage tube coming out my side… I won’t be able to give an honest update about how I feel.  Until then!

Where Ive been so far - Where Im at & where I'm headed

15 – Doctor Visits to date

1 - Mammogram

1 - Ultrasound

1 - Core Needle Biopsy

1 – Breast MRI

1 – PET Scan

2 – Heart Echo

1 – ER Visit + CT Scan & Bloodwork

1 – Genetic Testing / BRCA1 BRCA2 TP53 Negative

6 – Cycles of Taxotere + Herceptin + Projeta

13 – More Herceptin’s to go

27 -  “What the F&^?%’s”

1,472 – Pages of Notes on Cancer and Side Effects

4 – Days of taking pain pills due to chemo, because I like self-torture

6 – Days of work missed while going through chemo… because again, I like self-torture

3 – Self Pity - I have Cancer - Parties

 

Surgery

Sentinel Node Biopsy + IV Port

Mastectomy – Left Breast 6/25

Mastectomy + Reconstruction + Chest Expanders – Planned for Oct 2014

Reconstruction with Breast Implants – Planned for January (or earlier)

IV Port Removal – February 2015

 

My 31st Birthday ~ June 2

 

Two weeks after my final chemo was finished, I was able to celebrate my 31st Birthday!  Damn it feels good.  Moving forward in life I will never view age as a depressing milestone.  Instead, it is a privilege to grow older and I have been humbled by this. 

I celebrated with my first alcohol beverage in 5+ months!  I definitely do NOT feel the same about casually drinking.  This health scare and the fact that I have not touched alcohol since diagnosis, by choice, has really changed my view on it.  I can see myself enjoying a nice ice cold cider while camping or for a special occasion but other than that I am done with liquor.  Let me tell you - I feel DAMN GOOD about this decision and its been an easy one make! Cheers to that!!

 

 

 Throughout this cancer journey I have met so many that do not know if they will make it to their next birthday.  A few months ago during a cancer class for my two young boys - I sat in a circle with another mom that has cancer and hearing her tell everyone "I am just trying to stay alive long enough for my little girl to have memories of me when she is older" tore through my heart.  I will NEVER forget her or how these words resonated with me.

 

 

 

6th & LAST CHEMO

Friday, May 23rd - 6th and Final Chemo

It has been a quick and crazy 3 weeks since my last chemo!!!  So much so that I had forgotten to document the most important part of the last 4 months. 

For Memorial Weekend I was able to celebrate more than just a holiday, but my last day sitting in a chair hooked up to an IV for hours on end.  I cant even begin to write down for you, how much this meant to me.  I was finally able to ring that "done with treatment" bell they have mounted on the wall in the Infusion Room. I cried.  I welled up with tears and just sobbed in front of my Mom, Scott and the entire nursing staff.  I did not expect the emotional release that this day gave me.  I cried when I woke up, cried after treatment and cried and cried for days after it was over with... 

I will no longer have to endure the bullshit that chemo dishes out and this is overwhelmingly amazing!  Granted, I am completely thankful for what it has done for me.  I could never say or write that I hate chemo, it feels so wrong to hate something that is - in essence - saving my life.  Chemotherapy is in fact the reason that I will continue to live a long and full life!  And here I am tearing up just thinking about this.  Oh man what an emotional rollercoaster this whole process has been! 

 

Throughout this, I managed to keep my cancer infested life off of Facebook.  For me, it was a personal decision to really leave the cancer at the hospital.  This has been good for me mentally and has helped me power through and have some sort of control over the situation.  With that said, I had made a 9 minute picture/video that documented the chemo process and what I went through.  I posted this on my FB page the last day of chemo and really appreciated the response I had received.  It was a bit therapeutic for me to do this and of coarse... I cried when I finished making the video and when I posted it for all to see.     

Shanna's Journey Through Chemo - VIDEO