Growing Boobs - Tissue Expander Process

November 1, 2014 - February 4, 2015 

3 Months... Yup - That's how long it took to grow a pair of boobs!  

When I was told that Tissue Expanders would be placed underneath my muscle and that my surgeon would insert saline every week via a port on top of the expander (through my skin mind you) in order to stretch out the connective tissues, you can only imagine one's facial expression.  

Of course I had googled the crud 

out of this process :) 

I have been stuck with so many needles at this point, meh, what's another one in my breast every week for 3 months?!  I went into my first appointment to have the saline injected into the expander and was pleasantly surprised at how easy and quick the process was!  

My doctor had bags of saline laying out on a table along with a VERY large needle to inject with.  She grabbed this small magnet-finder device and found the port to my implant at the top of my chest. She then popped the needle into the port and started to inject saline into each one.

This process really depends on the person. I had started to feel pressure in my chest and had her stop at 75 CC's because it was getting a little hard to breathe through the tightness.   After this first experience I had learned very quickly that taking in less at a time and more often was the way to go, unless you're on a mission!  

I had started to go in every week for about a month then tapered off to every 2-3 weeks.   I would have her put anywhere from 50-100 CC's each visit depending on how much ache and pain I was willing to go through during the days after.  There was definitely pain involved and with skin and muscle stretching, I expected nothing less at this point.

What I wasn't prepared for:

My chest looked like an alien was growing inside of me. There is nothing PERFECT about this process and you really have to wrap your head around the fact that this is prepping your chest for the final outcome.  It was impossible to wear any type of top and not look like I was completely lopsided. The saving grace throughout those 3 months was to wear the sports bras I was given when I had only 1 breast over the summer.  These bra's had come with contouring pads.  With the left breast that was seemingly up in my face, I had to manipulate the pads in the bra to create more thickness to match my right side.  

Everything was disproportionate and the idea that I could have a "normal" looking chest after this was beyond my imagination.  My surgeon said this had a lot to do with the fact that my Right Breast was an immediate mastectomy - to - expander swap out.  My Left Breast was not, and I had gotten it removed 4 months prior to the expander surgery.  

This photo was taken the morning of my Exchange Surgery (Expander - to -Implant swap) I was at 400 CC's and all of my trust was in the surgeon's hands, in making me look and feel like I had breasts again. 

Talk about Faith. 

 

My First Hair Cut

November 22, 2014

How many adult women can say they are having a "First Haircut & Color?"  Not many.  I had been anticipating this moment for a long time and growing your hair out from a buzz cut is NOT all it's cracked up to be.  No one tells you that when your hair starts to touch the tops of your ears and the nape of your neck for the first time in almost a year, that it can drive you CRAAAAAAAAZY.  Yes, truly crazy.  I had dreamt about having my long blonde hair back... but at this point all I wanted to do was find a pair of scissors and CHOP.  

During the grow out process I felt like a boy.  As my hair grew it would faux hawk out at the top, sometimes it would get a little wavy (my hair was wavy before chemo) and don't get me started on the ever evolving mullet that was happening in the back. For lack of a better term, I did not feel "pretty." Instead I felt guilt, for disliking the hair on my head.  I should have been appreciative but instead I was miserable.

Exactly 10 months, almost to the day, after my last appointment at the Salon (where I had chopped off 8 inches of hair the day of my 1st Oncology appointment) I was back in the chair and this was the result...  

I felt like a 

WOMAN again! 

I thought that there was no way she could make any sort of impact on what little hair I had - but she did! My hairdresser lopped off my lovely mullet and shaped the back and the sides around my ears.  I did not have her touch the top of my hair at all.  She highlighted heavily in the front and ombre'd down the back.  She did an unbelievable job. That whole 2 hours in the chair completely changed my attitude and I started to really appreciate what I had.  

17 Days Post Tissue Expander Surgery

November 18th, 2014

I am going to be extremely honest about what I went through during the Chest Expander process. It was, absolutely, the most painful and emotionally draining surgery that I had gone through - And at the end of this process, I had 5 surgeries (this was my 3rd)  

This face right here - is hopped up on meds.  At this point the pain in my chest was so unbearable I had literally cried every day for 2 weeks straight after the surgery.  Nothing I did, how I slept, the amount of pain pills I had taken and anything in between gave me relief.  The only reason I was smiling was because of the news I had received that day from my Oncologist right before my Herceptin Infusion:

"Only 3 more mother-effing needles left! Then this woman gets 1 LAST surgery & her life BACK in the New Year"
- Facebook Post that day -

(I did end up having 2 more surgeries)

One night my Dad had called me after hearing about the amount of pain I was in.  He asked if there was anything he could do to help.  My biggest issue was lack of sleep and after a few weeks it had been taking a toll on me mentally.  I thought maybe a recliner would help and asked if he could drop off their recliner for me to borrow.  The next day he dropped that bad boy off and I had high hopes - only to be sorely disappointed.  I slept in that thing twice and just the process of getting in and out of the recliner was enough to punch something. HUGE donut hole. 

The problem was not just the pain, it was the laying flat on my back part that threw me into agony.  The pressure from the expanders was truly too much to bare.  I remember one night I had gotten out of bed and gone to the couch to sit Indian style with my back up against the wonderful couch pillows that were my only saving grace during this time.  I sat there and I sobbed.  I cried and prayed to God to please give me some type of relief.  That was a pivotal point for me because I realized that night, there was no choice but to be in pain and to just get through it.  I wanted relief but I could not see past the pain - and that was my mental block. I dwelled on it.  This was the 2nd time throughout the entire year process, that I completely broke down emotionally and I needed it.  Sometimes you have to ALLOW yourself to indulge in a shitty moment.  This was my shitty moment and I owned it.