17 Days Post Tissue Expander Surgery

November 18th, 2014

I am going to be extremely honest about what I went through during the Chest Expander process. It was, absolutely, the most painful and emotionally draining surgery that I had gone through - And at the end of this process, I had 5 surgeries (this was my 3rd)  

This face right here - is hopped up on meds.  At this point the pain in my chest was so unbearable I had literally cried every day for 2 weeks straight after the surgery.  Nothing I did, how I slept, the amount of pain pills I had taken and anything in between gave me relief.  The only reason I was smiling was because of the news I had received that day from my Oncologist right before my Herceptin Infusion:

"Only 3 more mother-effing needles left! Then this woman gets 1 LAST surgery & her life BACK in the New Year"
- Facebook Post that day -

(I did end up having 2 more surgeries)

One night my Dad had called me after hearing about the amount of pain I was in.  He asked if there was anything he could do to help.  My biggest issue was lack of sleep and after a few weeks it had been taking a toll on me mentally.  I thought maybe a recliner would help and asked if he could drop off their recliner for me to borrow.  The next day he dropped that bad boy off and I had high hopes - only to be sorely disappointed.  I slept in that thing twice and just the process of getting in and out of the recliner was enough to punch something. HUGE donut hole. 

The problem was not just the pain, it was the laying flat on my back part that threw me into agony.  The pressure from the expanders was truly too much to bare.  I remember one night I had gotten out of bed and gone to the couch to sit Indian style with my back up against the wonderful couch pillows that were my only saving grace during this time.  I sat there and I sobbed.  I cried and prayed to God to please give me some type of relief.  That was a pivotal point for me because I realized that night, there was no choice but to be in pain and to just get through it.  I wanted relief but I could not see past the pain - and that was my mental block. I dwelled on it.  This was the 2nd time throughout the entire year process, that I completely broke down emotionally and I needed it.  Sometimes you have to ALLOW yourself to indulge in a shitty moment.  This was my shitty moment and I owned it.