Friday - March 21st - Chemo Dose # 3
I spoke too soon or didn't knock on a wooden table, that is for sure. Third dose - Not fun. The infusion day itself was fine and I felt good walking out of there but by Sunday I was feeling the list of symptoms creeping up. About two days too early if you ask me. There is nothing regular, normal or consistent about this process - that is for certain! And apparently to the outside world I am making this chemotherapy thing look easy. I get consistently complimented on how well I look and how well I am doing and how well I am taking in all of this cancer crap and honestly... I put on a good front. Really, I do. On my bad weeks I would seriously like to crawl under a rock and place a sign outside saying "Leave me the f$@# alone until 10 days post chemo - Its for your own good - Thanks" but instead I buck the heck up, take 1 measly day off from work to "recoup" and grin and bare it through a laundry list of symptoms you would not wish on your enemy (or would, who knows) - AND I obsessively smile.
This is my nature and I cant help it!! Some may think that its unhealthy or freakin' awesome that I can smile my way through this but I would prefer not to depress the every day people in my life with my cancer. Hence this blog! Id rather dish it out here and when you feel like reading about it - Great!! I'm happy to inform you of anything you'd like to know, the good the bad and seriously so un-pretty. CANCER flat out SUCKS. Who cares what chemo does to me physically, I can deal with all of that. At the end of the day, every single day, sometimes multiple times a day its what this process does to me mentally. I am reminded constantly that I could die if I don't go through with all of this. Who wants to live like that? I do my best but some days are more difficult. Having two little boys is both a blessing and a heart ache while going through this ordeal. Some days they are what get me through the bad moments & they are the reason I fight so hard... and other times I look at them and my heart hurts thinking that if chemo doesn't work and there is a reoccurrence in the future, they may live a life without me. The rollercoaster this disease puts you on is ruthless!
This is my nature and I cant help it!! Some may think that its unhealthy or freakin' awesome that I can smile my way through this but I would prefer not to depress the every day people in my life with my cancer. Hence this blog! Id rather dish it out here and when you feel like reading about it - Great!! I'm happy to inform you of anything you'd like to know, the good the bad and seriously so un-pretty. CANCER flat out SUCKS. Who cares what chemo does to me physically, I can deal with all of that. At the end of the day, every single day, sometimes multiple times a day its what this process does to me mentally. I am reminded constantly that I could die if I don't go through with all of this. Who wants to live like that? I do my best but some days are more difficult. Having two little boys is both a blessing and a heart ache while going through this ordeal. Some days they are what get me through the bad moments & they are the reason I fight so hard... and other times I look at them and my heart hurts thinking that if chemo doesn't work and there is a reoccurrence in the future, they may live a life without me. The rollercoaster this disease puts you on is ruthless!
... What gets me through is Scott - My sons - My Family - My Friends and LOOKING FORWARD! I have this huge desk calendar at my office and I use a bright pink happy pen, I mark all of the birthdays for the month, I jot down my date nights, Concerts, PAID days and I sure as heck draw fancy swirls and highlight the shit out of CHEMO DAY!!! Because I know the day before chemo I will have an amazing facial to get me relaxed & ready for what's to come - and I know that the 1 day off that I do take post chemo, I get to spend alone with Scott... going to breakfast, watching movies and relaxing, just us two! These little things get me through.
Symptoms this round:* Burnt Mouth / Tongue - Biotene Helps / Nimbus Toothbrush's are the best
* Lack of Taste Buds (I hate this symptom! I am such a foodie) - Nothing helps
* Mucositis / Hives / Inflammation ALL in the downstairs area (TMI) - Benadryl works somewhat
* Mild Headaches - Tough it out with Tylenol (NO IBU)
* Deep Bone and Muscle Ache - Norco
* Nausea - Queasy Drops + Medication
* CONSTANT FATIGUE - Sleep
* Finger Tips and Toes are extremely sore, feels like they've been shut in a car door
* Acid Reflux / Indigestion / Heartburn - Omeprozal + Pepcid AC
* Hot Flashes Galore which causes major lack of sleep
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In other news!
We split the boys up on Sunday for some 1-on-1 Day Date time! It was so much fun and well needed. Scott took Logan to the Owyhee River at the border of OR and ID for some fishing and shooting (not my fave but boys will be boys!) Logan came home with the BIGGEST SMILE on his face and all lit up like a firecracker. They had a blast!
I asked Luke what he would like to do and in mellow Luke-E-Do fashion, my 5 year old wanted to go sip hot cocoa at his favorite coffee shop! The kid cracks me up and is SO like his mother!! After, we headed on over to our favorite arcade - Grinkers. That place is such a blast and the cheapest fun ever!
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