Children's Lives Include Moments of Bravery

Tuesday - February 11th - Hospital Workshop

C.L.I.M.B

"Children's Lives Include Moments Of Bravery"

When I was in for my chemo treatment this past Friday we had signed the boys up for a workshop/program through the hospital called CLIMB.  From what I had read, heard and experienced last night it is a great program for the boys to take part in while I go through my treatment and not-so-good days.  It is very important to Scott and I that I am not "sick" in their eyes because I don't want them to fear that I will always be "sick".  Cancer carries such a negative tone to it and when I say out loud that I have cancer it still feels very off.  I have yet to get use to this and hopefully wont.  But its important that the boys know I will be ok which is why we opted for this class.  Last night they went off into their children's group and made a very special frame for us parents.  They used a creative outlet to express themselves and felt SO unbelievably proud when they came back in with their gifts!  I want them to feel comfort and know that this is a passing time for me.  This is but a hiccup in our life and I will not have a victim attitude now or ever, especially in front of the boys.  And what a GREAT way to use this minor bump in the road to show them that anything is possible regardless of what stands in their way!     

Cancer has 100+ faces and I just so happen to have the best cancer ever!  (yes, I totally just said that) But really, I do.  I sat in a room last night with several other parents that have cancer and as each of them announce the type-kind-stage-etc. I am thankful. I feel awful but I am down right thankful.   You know what they say about the energy/thoughts you put out into the world is what you get back... well, what if I'm feeding my little asshole positive reinforcement to keep it behaving like it has been?  "There there little tumor, you are the best tumor ever and I am so glad you are mine!" ... In all honesty this is how I feel every time I hear that a parent has Stage 4 - Inoperable - Never will recover - Never ending chemo - 5 to 10 years to live. You're darn right I'm praising my little son-of-a-bitch.  And last night, I did over and over again. But at the end of the night when Scott and I re-cap and talk about things, we feel their pain and our hearts ache for those parents in ways I never imagined.  We were so close to that edge, wondering if I will live or if I will not.  That feeling of the in between... when you are told you have cancer through the time you are fully diagnosed - Those 3 weeks were the most emotional and mentally excruciating 3 weeks of my life.    There are no words to describe how it feels when YOU hear that YOU have cancer, and I cannot imagine how it feels when you are told there is no hope for a full recovery.  My heart just breaks. 



Post Chemo Day 4 (left) & Day 5 (right)

In other news, my face still hates me!  So here is the update on that:

Not my most favorable picture on earth!  But whomever is on chemo that just so happens to cross paths with my blog, Id like you to know what I did to help get through this horrendous face reaction - It is just plain painful.  Last night at the C.L.I.M.B workshop for the boys, I had met with another lady who was on the same chemo cocktail as I (Taxotere+Projeta+Herceptin) and she had the same reaction to her face.  The doctors had prescribed her Clindamycin (topical antibiotic) and it heeled the problem.  First thing I did this morning is call the doc for the prescription, so fast your head would spin!  Ill be picking this up today.

In addition to that, I have a wonderful and beautiful friend Theresa who is an esthetician and the 1st person I had been texting photos to, so she could share in my face pain!  She put together a wonderful healing kit to help with the discomfort.  She uses the skin care line IMAGE http://www.imageskincare.com/ and it has been a blessing to my face past and present (hence her business name http://www.blessenceskinandbody.com/)  Love her and Love her products. Straight up!  Literally over night my face was back on track and looking better rather than progressively worse. 

If there is any advice I can give it is this - DO NOT PICK - No No No No No!  No matter how bad you want to itch your face off, stay away.  You try and pop one of those little buggers and you are in for it.  They do not heal due to the white blood cell count being so low.  Advice I was given:  Do not steam the face, no heat period. Do not pick. Do not use any topical acne creams that dry out your face. No astringent. Use the most basic gentle face regime you can and wash your pillow cases often.  It has taken everything in me not to touch my face and I even work in an office where people come by and say hello often!  And let me tell you about the wide eyes I get when they look at my face...  You suck it up and you just DEAL with it!

Symptoms - Day 5 Post Chemo:

- Entire body aches (starts around mid day - mornings are great though) 

- Mild headache comes and goes

- Face is recovering but extremely itchy

- Scalp sores (itch and hurts to brush)

- Light nausea (I haven't taken any pills today and doing great!)

- Acidity issues with certain foods and drinks (cannot do coffee at all at this point, it hurts)

- Gums are raw (still very difficult to brush my teeth)

- DRINKING WATER LIKE A FISH!!!